One time, Grandma’s grandmother, who they called Gram, had a wheelbarrow in the yard that she warned the kids not to play with. Grandma and her older sister wanted to go out and play. Gram said she was going to lie down. They said ok. Guess what? They played with the wheel barrow, anyways. She laughs telling the story today.
The sister told Grandma to get in the wheel barrow snd started running. She hit a hole, Grandma went flying backwards, the wheel barrow went flying forwards and landed on top of her with only her head sticking out. Both girls laughed so hard they peed their pants, hiding the soiled garments in the closet. Gram only found out because she inquired about the change of pants and only got slightly mad because they had hid them.
Gram had a lot of snakes in her yard. Going out to pee at the outhouse was sometimes a several hour experiment, Gram having coming to save Grandma from the large snakes outside.
Gram was a residential school survivor herself. When they came to take her kids, Gram still apparently “gave up” five. According to Grandma, she got paid to put them there. A little incentive to continue the tradition. The one uncle got to come home at age 11, but for some reason Gram sent him away again. This time they sent him to a farm in the states, where he was highly abused.
Gram and her one daughter were always sleeping in the same bed, according to Grandma. Both of them sexually assaulting Grandma one night together while Grandma was sleeping over. They didn’t go very far, says Grandma, because the look on her face told them she would tell her father, and they knew he would kill them, family or not. As soon as she woke up, she gave them that look and they stopped. Being her only safety-net space, Grandma says she was happy they never tried that again.
Grandma remembers her Gram used to sing, “All around the mulberry bush, the monkey raped the weasel,” while her son, Grandma’s father yelled, “Stop singing dirty to them kids!” She says perhaps there were clues to Gram’s depravity. Her father once again oblivious.
Her older brother hurt her, too, at age 18. Came home one night drunk by himself and raped Grandma. Grandma just laughs, “the idiot came in and later told on himself!”
He and Grandma’s mother come home one night and Grandma was sitting on the floor feeding her new baby, when her mother plops herself on the couch beside her. The brother grabs up the fussing baby, “Gimme that baby,” turning around before saying, “Well, she’s mine anyway.” Grandma’s mother did nothing, but shoot a look to Grandma saying, “Ah, she was telling the truth, huh?”
He later apparently told on himself again drunk at a party about a year later, shutting the party down with his confession. Grandma tells this to me, laughing.
By the time she left earth, her Gram owned half the island, still living in her tiny run-down home. All of her kids eventually returned to the island.
Every body came back home, in the end.
Everyone except Grandma.
What’s a childhood story from your family that still makes you laugh?
If this story made you think of someone, restack it and pass it along.
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